Some Russian Expertise about alcohol

Me: *feeling extra blah, and kind of sick on January 1st*

Mom: Tell me, what did you drink last night?

Me: Mom, I relally didn't drink that much. I had a little bit.

Mom: I'm not asking how much you drank, I'm asking WHAT you drank.

Me: We drank Polar Ice

Mom: What is that?

Me: Its a brand of Vodka

Mom: .............. What are you ......... HOMELESS?
           *literal face palm*
          I mean I'm not saying you have to buy Ruskiy Standart (Russian Standard Vodka) because its
          expensive, but seriously!

         *Dramatic Pause*

Mom (Continued): Don't be cheap when buying alcohol. You know what cheap alcohol creates?!?!?! ALCOHOLICS that's what!

Skydiving is practice suicide? ...

Me: My friends found a really great Group-on for Skydiving! I think we are going to get it.

Mom: WHY WHY! Tell me WHY do you want to PRACTICE COMMITTING SUICIDE?!?!?!?!?!

Me: Its not practice suicide!

Mom: YES IT IS! NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT! DON'T GIVE ME THESE HEART ATTACKS!

Grandma vs. Logos

I went shopping and bought new pants

Grandma: Annette, there's a stain on your pants.

Me: oh no that's the logo

Grandma:   It looks like a stain....

Me: Its a PUMA! I've wanted these pants for such a long time, please don't insult the....

Grandma: Why did you want pants that look like they have a stain? I'm not insulting the pants ... but your fashion sense needs improvement.

Me:  :( 

Nicknames

My mom likes to give nicknames to people who's names she can't remember. This obviously doesn't include her close friends but it does include people who have more of an acquaintance status. She refers to them solely by their nicknames allowing situations like this to happen:

*conversation about property taxes*

Mom's Friend:  I heard that they are going to lower property taxes in general

Mom: No No, I heard the opposite

Mom's Friend: From whom?

Mom: The Panda told me

Mom's Friend : *WTF Face*

Me: *Face Palm*

Mom: Oh come on you know who I'm talking about ..... THE PANDA!!!!!

Living in Style with Oscar De Le Renta!

So this one happened a while ago, and I shared it on Facebook but not my blog.

Mom: *on the phone with a friend* Yeah I bought two pairs of pajamas in Costco for only $17, and they are Oscar de la Renta!

ME:*overhears and gets excited*OMG OMG we own something from Oscar de la Renta?!?!?! That's so exciting!!! Too bad its not a dress 

Mom: *ends phone convo, turns to me* We can't afford an Oscar de la Renta dress, we will settle for pajamas.

ME: Isn't the Russian philosophy that "the point of wearing brand names is that other people know you wear them". No one sees what brand your pajama is....

Mom: Don't worry I'll tell them 

LOL
#pajamainstyle

Helping your Mom with Homework!

What's more fun than staying up till 1 am writing your essay? staying up till 1 am writing your MOM'S essay as she dictates it to you in Russian and having to translate....

To be fair I'm super proud of her for working full time, and taking classes, especially since writing essays is difficult when English is your third language.

Abercrombie & Fitch Dilema

A while ago my mom and I were shopping in the US

Mom: Look 40% off at Abercrombie & Fitch, I want a T-shirt.

Me: OK

*Browsing* My mom notices that the Plain T-shirts with no logo cost $5, and the T-shirts with the Abercrombie & Fitch written across the front are $15*

Mom: $15 for a T-shirt?!?!?!

Me: There are other T-shirts for $5

Mom: What is the point of an Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt if it doesn't say "Abercrombie and Fitch" on it? That's just a regular T-shirt! ...... I mean its not like their good quality, whats the point of buying them?

Me: Believe it or not some people don't like to have the brand name across their chest

Mom: Then what's the point of having a brand?

Grandma: Yes! you can buy a cheaper and better quality plain T-shirt ... that is NOT half sea-through mid you, and just TELL everyone its A&F..... cut off the "no name" label and say it was itchy.